Laughter is Life Affirming

We are living in serious times. Seriously. We are living in serious times where far too many of our minds have become places where laughter goes to die. Even as someone who was relentlessly bullied both physically and otherwise all the way into adulthood, I can see that some of our efforts to protect and/or feel safe by equating words with violence have gone too far in many cases. Yes, words can be used to incite violence. I once was literally jumped by over a dozen people because a bully used his words to say that if anyone said the name “Pedro” out loud he would punch me in the face. For some reason this incited the other teenagers on the bus. I, in turn, tried to use words to express that I was not afraid of them as I laughed somewhat maniacally. The result was that they beat me up. I would have really preferred that they just talked about it.

And even still, I disagree with the notion that preventing people from speaking words is the best path forward for creating societies that work better from more people. Consider that using words to say, “I want to hurt you.” is an evolutionary upgrade from actual perpetration of physical harm. I guarantee you that if you could talk to many of my ancestors or other people whose communities endured unimaginable violence and you asked them what they preferred, their town being burned down because someone got startled in an elevator a la the Greenwood District in Tulsa or someone joking them, they’d choose the latter. So, if anything, I think we need to get better at using our words like we tell little children when they hit and we need to get better at hearing words that we don’t like and knowing when to argue and when to walk away. And in the case of comedy, I think we need to look at the function of comedy a little more closely before we throw it in the same category as everyday speech. Because the purpose of comedy is to invoke laughter, which even biologically is in the very opposite direction of causing harm. Laughter, by its very nature, is life affirming. Sometimes even when the laughter is at your expense.

What’s So Funny About Something That’s Not Funny?

For the majority of my life, I have been a nervous laugher, laughing at inappropriate times about things that I knew were not funny. But for one reason or the other, I couldn’t help myself from laughing just like I did on the bus before my beatdown. This is an idiosyncrasy, that on a fair number of occasions made people angry because they thought I was making light of their pain or situation. The reality, however, was that laughter was my body and brain’s way of coping with stressful situations. It wasn’t as extreme as Joaquin Phoenix’s version of the Joker. But I cringed at the familiarity when I saw the film. And after my younger brother saw it, he said that I used to have the “Joker Disease”. And while, I can’t say if I have or had this condition, I can say that I learned to control it through the practice of slowing my mind down, breathing deeply, and thanking my body for its efforts to protect me.

For a long time, the laughing nuisance didn’t consciously serve me. The best way I could manage it was to walk away from situations where I could feel misplaced laughter coming on or try to stay as serious as possible. But, in basic military training, I came to see that there was something beneficial to whatever my brain and body were trying to do for me in stressful situations.

As I was getting yelled at on my first day at basic, my “Joker-itis” kicked in and I started laughing. Of course the drill instructor lost it and started yelling, “Is something funny airman? Am I funny? Am I a joke to you?” The more he said things to try and intimidate me, the more I wanted to laugh. I was biting the insides of my cheeks and lips, looking all over the place, and trying to think of anything I could to keep myself from laughing. But, I couldn’t help it. And to add to it, I started imagining that my mom could beat him up which only made it funnier. Ultimately, he just said, “You won’t be laughing when you get off that bus and get into real training. He was wrong. I laughed the whole time. Only this time, my laughing didn’t piss folks off. It actually endeared me to many of my fellow airmen who nicknamed me “Smiley”.

As I watched other airmen crack under some of the pressure, I became increasingly grateful and curious about this uncontrolled superpower I had like some goofy Incredible Hulk. And, once I came to understand that laughing releases “feel good” chemicals in our brains, I assumed that my seemingly inappropriate laughter was actually my body working for me (even if other folks didn’t appreciate it). So rather than feel bad about it and trying to force it to stop, which only made it worse, I became grateful that laughter was so accessible to me in times of stress. And like magic, the nervous laughter abated for the most part and I was able to regulate it in a healthier and more socially acceptable way. I still sometimes smile or snicker when people think I shouldn’t but I’m no longer making people want to choke me. Or at least less people.

If you didn’t laugh, you’d cry

My family used to tell me that if I didn’t laugh at some of the tough experiences that I’ve been through, I’d be crying. They are undoubtedly correct. That isn’t to say that I haven’t shed my fair share of tears. But, it’s true that, through the alchemy of laughter, I have turned much of my grief into guffaws and my lamentations into laughter. And as a result, I have been fortunate enough to hold back the tide of depression that probably could have gripped me by now. When they would point out to me that I was probably laughing to avoid crying, I used to to reply, “Well, I’m going to laugh later. So, I might as well laugh now.” Little did I know that I had stumbled on one of the main ingredients of comedy.

Tragedy Plus Time Equals Comedy

In our inaugural podcast episode with comedian and entrepreneur and founder of FRAME, the Foster Russell Alliance for Meaningful Expression, Karith Foster, she confirmed the quote I recently heard from other comedians at a set I had done in Maui–“Tragedy plus time equals comedy.” According to the interwebs, this quote has been attributed to both Mark Twain and Carol Burnett. Whoever said it was genius. Because as someone who had officiated my fair share of funerals, I can confirm that even the most tragic ones included laughter. But, have you ever wondered why?

Well, I think it is part of the gift of being human. We are emotional alchemists. I don’t know how many times I have watched folks take happy occasions and turn them into personal affronts or experience a person’s indistinguishable facial expression or body language and turn it into a personal slight. Laughter is the flip side of that negative tendency to make everything about us. When we laugh, we are acknowledging that there is more to the world than our temporary suffering and the fear of future suffering. Laughter is a revolutionary act. It is the power of transmutation and the collapsing of time. Laughter is an echo from the future.

Turning Pain Into Punchlines

If you ever end up in a room with my brothers and cousins, chances are you will hear us laughing about something that many will feel is too painful to laugh about. Why? Because enough time has passed that the pain has become a punchline. There’s distance there. That’s why I have added my own take on the comedy formula. That is DISASTER PLUS DISTANCE EQUALS COMEDY. One of the questions I ask the comedians on the podcast is, “Is there anything off limits when it comes to comedy?” Karith responded with the above quote about time plus tragedy. Where I think so many people are struggling with comedy right now is that they feel like we’re running out of time and there isn’t enough perceived distance between one tragedy and the next to even see the potential for the funny.

When I said, “Laughter is an echo from the future,” what I am suggesting is that laughter is a sign of hope for a better tomorrow. Even though we might not express it this way, when we laugh there is a transcendent part of us that is telling us that everything will be alright. When we laugh at something painful that we have been through, we are acknowledging that all pain is temporary. When we laugh we at social cancers such as racism, sexism, poverty, etc we are declaring that somewhere out there exists a cure for our social ills. When we laugh at the ridiculousness of oppressors and the limitations of being oppressed we are declaring that equality is reality.

*Did you know that Martin Luther King Jr was hilarious?

But What About Jokesters Who Are Jerks?

Despite some people’s sentiments that all comedy should be palatable for everyone, I believe there’s a special place in the world for comics who use insults as a form of artistic expression. They are the “ego slayers” of this alchemical medium. They remind us that we shouldn’t take ourselves or the things of this world too seriously. We need these artists to hold up a mirror so that we can see the psychological blemishes that distort us into thinking that we alone or the groups we identify with are the stars of this cosmic show called life.

Recently, I “took the bullet” at that same comedy show in Maui. “Taking the bullet” in comedy involves a comedian performing early in a show to improve the overall experience for both the audience and the other performers. You basically warm up the crowd and absorb whatever they came into the room with and let the comics coming after get a sense of the crowd’s demeanor. Well, I mentioned in my set that I was formerly a pastor and, for one reason or the other, every comedian who came after my set poked fun at me, religion, or the unfunniness of believing in a God, in an effort to get laughs from the crowd. When it was funny, I laughed and when it wasn’t, I took it as tuition for sharpening my comedy skills.

Some of us don’t want to own this, often subconscious, awareness of our own ridiculousness. But, I think there’s a reason why some folks choose to sit up front of insult laden shows even when they know there’s a chance they may get ripped apart. In a strange way, it’s like when people do activities such as bungee jumping, sky diving, or riding a scary roller coaster. Whenever we do something risky like this, it brings us in contact with the existential fear of death–the ultimate concern of not belonging. It is what some people call “The Void”. And when we emerge from it, it makes us feel even more alive. It’s the power of alchemy again. These comics, ignite our adrenaline response and put us into fight or flight, which of necessity causes us to be hyper-focused on the present moment where we feel most alive.

Isn’t that what all comedy ultimately does–remind us that we are still alive and that no matter how crazy everything might feel with the wars, pandemics, addiction, politics, all of the “isms”, inflation, infidelity, endangered species, pollution, reality TV, and whatever Kanye West will say next, we will probably be okay for a little while longer. And if we are still alive, then there is surely hope. So, let’s intentionally use the power of alchemy within us to laugh in the face of danger until we all feel safe enough to laugh at ourselves together.

Liberation Comedy

The mission of LibCom is to help us get in contact with our alchemical super powers so that we realize that we are not powerless to bring about a world that works better more more of us. If you’re someone who values the power of laughter to bring about positive transformation and bring people together across differences, I invite you to share this post, check out and subscribe to our podcast, and check out and share my recent comedy set, “What’s In a Name?“. And if you know other comedians who support good causes or use comedy to bring people together across differences, put them in touch.